Ever-present

God is awesome. To be honest I am quite ashamed and embarrassed to admit that I too often forget how perfect and wonderful He is. I have been feeling a pressing hunger recently to cling to Him more than ever. Just yesterday I was reminded at how the Lord is in everything. He is aware of all, in all, and knows all. Lately I have felt a little that God has been too preoccupied with other things to worry about me, but that is just not true. Knowing who God is, I know he never forgets about me. Aaron & I have been making an effort to trust the Lord in every aspect of our lives. Well, I can tell you that it is easier said then done. However, it has been extremely rewarding to put trust in Him. I thought knowing my nature, that I would worry twice as much with the things that I supposedly gave to God. It turns out that it just wasn't true. The Lord provided so much peace throughout each area of our life. It has been a huge blessing leaning on Christ for everything and trusting in Him completely. Saying that, this past week or so has been quite a test. One at which I feel I failed quite miserably. However, the Lord had patience with me and brought me back to Him. I guess I'll start at the beginning. Having Levi has been a huge adjustment for me. Don't get me wrong, it has been the most rewarding thing in my life, but that doesn't mean it has been easy the whole time. The first few weeks I was extremely anxious constantly. I somehow got into "mommy mode" and that passed, but recently I have felt the anxiousness begin to creep back in. I'm not sure why it has returned all of the sudden. I'm guessing it's due to my earlier "Frustration" post. Either way, it was returning, and it was making my life miserable. Some of you may know that when I was younger I dealt with fear of...well, everything. I'll spare all the details, but my fear controlled my life from the time I was probably 8 until I was 13. The nights were the worse; I was afraid to be alone, sleep, or leave my parents. To make a long story short, God delivered me from that bondage of fear. It has been utterly amazing the things I have done and the places I have gone simply because I wasn't afraid. I say all that to say this. The anxiousness I have begun to feel as a new mom reminds me of the same way I would feel each day when I was dealing with that fear years ago. As night approaches, my anxiousness begins to grow. I may not be so bothered by this if I hadn't dealt with controlling fear for so long in my life. I was sharing all this with Aaron last night, when I realized that I hadn't read my scriptures for the day. I took out my Bible and read Psalm 4,5, & 6. I encourage you all to read it, but it simply reminded my that God is with me in troubled times. He watches over me and protects me. He is a shield about me, a protector, and safe place to REST. How encouraging to know that when I feel like my little troubles are petty to God, He reminds me that nothing about ME is petty to HIM.