I really just need an outlet to gather my thoughts. My family has some decisions to make that will possibly change the course of our life. I'm sure its not as groundbreaking and earth shattering to anyone else, but for me and my little family of four it is. It's stepping out in faith. Faith which is so difficult for me right now.
The last four or so years have felt like a tightrope walk through dense fog and forest. Often we've ended up on trails that seem to have taken us off our targeted path. We've taken twists and turns with courage and even excitement at times to only find that we made little progress along the actual road. We've looked to God for direction and have stepped out in more ways than I can list here and are still waiting for miracles and answers to some really long sought out questions. On the outside it appears as compromise or even giving up, but that couldn't be further from the truth. We still press on, but our zeal is waning. I know God has set fire within us for a passion for certain things, but while it is taking forever for those things to be realized, my faith is in great distress.
I want to have faith that can move the mountains. Yet I feel the only thing happening is as I pray for the mountain to move a pebble may fall and now I have two mountains instead of one. And as this has happened over and over again the mountains in my way are overwhelming. I know what my God can do. I know He is the Almighty. While I know these things, it is hard to cling to them when I feel that God is so far from me.
I know the problem here is me, not God. But honestly I don't know what else I can do to reach out to my Creator for answers. I'm sure I need to unclog my earthly ears so I can hear clearly, but with my crazy busy mom of two kids ordinary life that is so much easier to write than actually do. I'm sure that is an excuse to.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Can anyone relate? Am I the only one out there?
I'm pressing on...on my knees. I don't know what the next day will hold, but I'm going to pray my way through it knowing that if I'm seeking Him I won't be lead astray. Maybe it will make sense in the end, and maybe it won't, but I have to keep that little spark of faith even if it makes no sense to me. Until my answers come I'm going to cling to this "The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9. Whatever my heart plans, may the LORD establish the correct steps to lead me to Him.
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Celebrating 6 Years!
Levi, Age 6
What is your favorite color? Red
What is your favorite drink? Chocolate milk
What is your favorite food? Spaghetti
What is your favorite movie? Ice Age
What is your favorite thing to do? Something I've never done - go on a roller coaster - I can't wait to try it.
What is your favorite restaurant? McDonalds
Where is your favorite place to go? The Aquarium
Who is your best friend? Kai, Samuel, and Naomi
What is your favorite song? All the Ice Age songs
What do you want to be when you grow up? Stay home and live with mom
What is your favorite thing to play? Soccer and the car game on Mema's ipad
What is your favorite toy? Doggie
What do you like most about being home? playing with his toys
What is your favorite thing to wear? Superhero shirt with the sparkly letters
What is your favorite fruit? Bananas
What is your favorite snack? Fruit by the Foot
What is your favorite book? Chicka Chicka 1, 2, 3
What is your favorite TV show? Wild Kratts
What is your favorite animal? Cheetah
What is your favorite thing to sleep with at night? Doggie
What is your favorite thing to do outside? Ride my bike
What is your favorite holiday? Easter
Who is your favorite superhero? Green Lantern
I'm amazed that I'm celebrating 6 years of this amazing kid being a part of my life. Everyday you bring excitement and wonder back into my adult world and help me see the things I too often look over. You surprise me with your unfounded wisdom and love for The Lord, and your childlike faith inspires me in my own walk. I love watching you learn and discover the world around you and feel privileged to be your teacher through the journey. Thank you for filling my life with Legos, superheroes, dirt, and more animal facts than anyone could ever know. You are a blessing to my life in so many ways and I hope all your dreams come true. We love you!!
Happy Birthday Shoog!!
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
This Was My Day...
Before I begin lets just say its been a while. Believe me I know. Life has been happening. Homeschooling, BSF, cooking, cleaning, laundry, kids growing, soccer practice, swimming lessons...okay you get the idea. LIFE. Its a funny thing how life keeps me from some of the things I love like blogging. However, my life is a beautiful mess that I love.
Now back to today. Today was one for the record books. It all started with a nightmare. The worst kind. Perfectly normal dream turns into a nightmare in seconds and you can't breathe. You are paralyzed in your dream and when you wake up your heart is pounding out of your chest, you find breathing difficult to do, and I'm frantically hitting the other side of the bed to make sure that my husband is indeed beside me and not dead in the middle of the street. Guess you can figure out the gist of the nightmare. I was in full panic mode. Even had to wake him up just so I could fall apart into full sobbing wet tears. He was the perfect husband and consoled me in my crazy state even though he'd have to get up in a little more than an hour for work. Like I said he's the perfect husband. Miraculously I was able to fall back to sleep for a few extra hours of rest. I had no idea this was just the beginning of my crazy day.
By 8am kids are up and at 'em. I'm exhausted because not only have I been up during the night in a full panic attack thanks to a nightmare, but the day before we had full birthday celebrations for my son. So this mom is worn out. New birthday present packages are all over the place from him opening his new toys and of course he needs my help with it all. I finally make it to the kitchen to get breakfast for everyone when starting the dishwasher I notice something strange in the sink. Worms! Earthworms are in my sink! What?! How?! I call my animal loving almost 6 year old in there to deal with the situation to which he informs me "That one is too big. I'm not touching it." What? I had a boy for a reason. This is the reason. To pick up creepy crawly bugs for his mom. I call the hubs because what else am I to do, only to find out he apparently didn't put up his fishing worm stash as well as he thought he had. Crisis taking care of, but now there isn't enough time for me to shower before swimming lessons so its the "I meant to put my hair in this bun and hope I look cute" kind of day. After swimming lessons its off to the library to return some DVDs and then a quick stop by Mema's because its lunch time and I don't want to take them out to eat. A few chicken nuggets later I'm headed to the store to pick up my very short list of groceries. Pull in the parking lot and it begins to pour! Seriously? Can I not catch a break today? Hubs comes to the rescue and will stop by the store on his way home. Like I said he's the perfect husband. This day is crazy and I'm headed home. Little did I know crazy was waiting for me there too.
Pull in the driveway and the kids hop out. I'm left to get everything out of the car on my own when I hear "Mom, I got some bad new." What now? "There is a bird in the house." WHAT!!!!! My kid has a knack for being a jokster, so I ask if he is serious and he says "I saw it with my own eyes." Great now I have to get a bird out of my house. (On a side note we had a bird build a nest in our garage that we just found and she had babies and now the babies are learning to fly.) I peek in the window and see nothing so I'm thinking its just his imagination or perhaps he saw a reflection. I walk in and put everything down that I was carrying and then begin my search. Sure enough there is a bird in the laundry room. Who knows how long its been in there. At least a few hours that we've been gone this morning. I devise a plan and get to it. After a few mini heart attacks of the bird flying towards me I finally get it to fly back into the garage.
Throw in the towel. I'm done. I need a chocolate bar.
This has been complete craziness, not to mention all the other regular craziness that follows me around on a daily basis. Its like I said though my life is a beautiful mess. Today was more mess than beauty, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Now back to today. Today was one for the record books. It all started with a nightmare. The worst kind. Perfectly normal dream turns into a nightmare in seconds and you can't breathe. You are paralyzed in your dream and when you wake up your heart is pounding out of your chest, you find breathing difficult to do, and I'm frantically hitting the other side of the bed to make sure that my husband is indeed beside me and not dead in the middle of the street. Guess you can figure out the gist of the nightmare. I was in full panic mode. Even had to wake him up just so I could fall apart into full sobbing wet tears. He was the perfect husband and consoled me in my crazy state even though he'd have to get up in a little more than an hour for work. Like I said he's the perfect husband. Miraculously I was able to fall back to sleep for a few extra hours of rest. I had no idea this was just the beginning of my crazy day.
By 8am kids are up and at 'em. I'm exhausted because not only have I been up during the night in a full panic attack thanks to a nightmare, but the day before we had full birthday celebrations for my son. So this mom is worn out. New birthday present packages are all over the place from him opening his new toys and of course he needs my help with it all. I finally make it to the kitchen to get breakfast for everyone when starting the dishwasher I notice something strange in the sink. Worms! Earthworms are in my sink! What?! How?! I call my animal loving almost 6 year old in there to deal with the situation to which he informs me "That one is too big. I'm not touching it." What? I had a boy for a reason. This is the reason. To pick up creepy crawly bugs for his mom. I call the hubs because what else am I to do, only to find out he apparently didn't put up his fishing worm stash as well as he thought he had. Crisis taking care of, but now there isn't enough time for me to shower before swimming lessons so its the "I meant to put my hair in this bun and hope I look cute" kind of day. After swimming lessons its off to the library to return some DVDs and then a quick stop by Mema's because its lunch time and I don't want to take them out to eat. A few chicken nuggets later I'm headed to the store to pick up my very short list of groceries. Pull in the parking lot and it begins to pour! Seriously? Can I not catch a break today? Hubs comes to the rescue and will stop by the store on his way home. Like I said he's the perfect husband. This day is crazy and I'm headed home. Little did I know crazy was waiting for me there too.
Pull in the driveway and the kids hop out. I'm left to get everything out of the car on my own when I hear "Mom, I got some bad new." What now? "There is a bird in the house." WHAT!!!!! My kid has a knack for being a jokster, so I ask if he is serious and he says "I saw it with my own eyes." Great now I have to get a bird out of my house. (On a side note we had a bird build a nest in our garage that we just found and she had babies and now the babies are learning to fly.) I peek in the window and see nothing so I'm thinking its just his imagination or perhaps he saw a reflection. I walk in and put everything down that I was carrying and then begin my search. Sure enough there is a bird in the laundry room. Who knows how long its been in there. At least a few hours that we've been gone this morning. I devise a plan and get to it. After a few mini heart attacks of the bird flying towards me I finally get it to fly back into the garage.
Throw in the towel. I'm done. I need a chocolate bar.
This has been complete craziness, not to mention all the other regular craziness that follows me around on a daily basis. Its like I said though my life is a beautiful mess. Today was more mess than beauty, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
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